15.1, AFTER ANNE'S DEATH
There I was at age 50, bereft of the
only wife I ever expected to have, the mother of my three children, sweetheart
and partner for almost 22 years. Lonesomeness it was for the first few
months; only work and Jim's company at home kept me going. Neighbors were
still solicitous as to my welfare; it was Bess Tunnel across the street
who said to me that while it was logical to grieve , one could not do that
for the rest of one's life; "Life is for the living", she said, and the
two-edged meaning of that encouraged me on a line of thought where
I could start going out.
I decided to do so and got involved
with an organization which exists in most North American cities called,
"Parents Without Partners". This, as its name suggests is a social organization
for single people with children. "Single" covers the whole spectrum
of widows, widowers, single mothers or fathers including divorcees. More
or less regular meetings are organised and are held in various public halls
such as town centres or church basements. Card games are set up, dances
are held and outdoor activities such as skiing or picnics are arranged.
The organisation provides a valuable way of meeting people, particularly
of the opposite sex, because in cities it is not easy to rely on
friends or relatives or church parishes or other means of getting people
together which exist in smaller communities. Another factor which makes
the organisation successful is that most of the members, such as myself
have reached a stage where, no matter how they arrived at their present
single status, they wish to take a chance on changing it.
In my case it resulted in some interesting
times and contacts, not all of which are worth relating here. However,
a couple of examples can give you an idea of what it's like. One
of the first ladies to whom I was introduced, without knowing anything
about me or my status blurted out "did you get possession"? This was a
direct brush with the bitterness of divorce. Anyway I didn't stay long
enough to find out whether she meant possession of the children, the house,
the car or the furnishings! A more touching case was the lady who had with
her two native Indian children. It turned out that she had adopted these
two and was raising them herself. Perhaps the nicest one I met was a widow
who had two children and whose brother worked at CN. I took her out a number
of times and found her most attractive.
15.2, ON FATE, AND MEETING FRANCES
In life one finds that things do not always
go according to plan and the older you get you are forced to acknowledge
that fate, or the Lord, can intervene in unexpected ways. Thus I met Frances
Toomey, not through planned attendance at Parents Without Partners, but
through our mutual good friends, Gwen and Ernie Gilliatt. Ernie was a working
associate from the railway and Gwen (Thorpe) was a schoolmate of Frances
from Kentville, Nova Scotia. In October they invited me to share Thanksgiving
with them. Another guest was a very attractive looking lady who was introduced
to me as Gwen's friend Frances Toomey. She made an impression on me by
her looks and by her lively personality and conversation. I also thought
her clothes showed good taste. For my part I made a good impression on
her by helping get the electric stove going properly so Gwen could finish
cooking the turkey. The oven would not deliver enough heat; I still knew
enough about electric power systems to diagnose it as a burnt out fuse
in one leg of the standard 220 volt service with which electric stoves
are fed. The oven was thus only operating on one leg, i.e. 110 volts
instead of 220 which means it could generate not a half, but only one quarter
of the regular amount of heat.
The meal went off very well, wine and all
and when the evening drew to an end fate stepped in thuswise. Frances
had come by commuter train as she lived downtown near where she worked
as a Head Nurse in the Royal Victoria Hotel, and she had to leave in time
to catch the scheduled train home. Ernie would normally have driven her
to the station but I had arrived later than Frances so my car was first
out in the driveway, blocking Ernie's car. So, being a good railroad man
anxious to reduce any unecessary switching and also favorably impressed
with the girl I offered to drive her to the station. Aside from her looks
and bright conversation I learned she was a graduate of McGill University
in Nursing Science and that she had done some international travelling,
both of which gave her life some breadth. By the time the train pulled
into the station I was impressed enough to ask if I could see her
again. She said "yes" so I was quite happy as I returned to the Gilliatts.
We and the Gilliatts have of course
laughed over the accusation that they had deliberately set the whole thing
up, though they have denied it consistently for these past 28 years! Ernie
tries to make out that their only contribution to the situation might be
that they had given me a bottle of men's perfume called "Bengal Lancer",
and was I wearing that on the night in question. Frances was leaving
on a vacation so there was no chance to get a date for some time. Meanwhile
I did have one or two dates with the lady I met from Parents Without Partners.
I might have tended to forget Frances while she was away, but was returned
to the need for action when she sent a card from where she was vacationing
reminding me that we should get together when she returned. That told me
she was definitely interested in me and so after several followup dates
(including our first dinner out at St. Hubert Barbecue) caused me
to give up dating any others. So fate won the day!
15.3, A SERIOUS COURTSHIP
Both of us being of mature age (me 50, she
45) we decided to visit each other's home terrritory and meet each other's
parents. So we made a trip to Kentville in apple blossom time (see photo)
and there I met Frank and Mrs Toomey and Fran's youngest brother Don. I
found them to be regular people indeed, with much the same background as
my own parents.( Incidentally, we were both of Irish descent on our father's
side.) Frank was a retired Dominion Atlantic Railway conductor who had
a great collection of humorous stories. Fran says that when he found
out I was a railway man he opined, "then he can't be all bad"!
In the summer of '72 we flew to Winnipeg where
we visited George Walker at the cottage on Laclu. Fran convinced me of
her courage when she trapped a bat which had found its way into the cabin
in the middle of the night. She caught it and then released it outdoors
without even waking the rest of us! In Rivers we stayed with my dear mum
and dad, both getting on in years by this time. When I introduced Fran
to dad, he was so surprised he stuttered, "and...and .. is your husband
dead?" Fran had to explain that she had never been married. We drove with
mum to Holmfield where we met Aunt Ruth and Aunt Eva who were living in
Grandma Harrison's house; also I could give Fran a tour of the mill and
the grain elevator so she'd know more about what makes things tick on the
prairies. We also met my cousins Iva (Nelson) Buchanan and Merton Nelson
in the Pilot Mound district. The relatives were all captivated by Frances
so no problems arose.
The people I never really asked for
an opinion were my own children. They all had the opportunity to meet Fran
but I never asked their views when the time came to be thinking of marriage.
I do not think there were any bad feelings because of this omission,
though I myself now think it would have been proper for me to have asked
what they thought of her.
Anyway, by the time we got on the plane to
return fom Winnipeg we knew that we were quite serious. I wanted
to get married again and I thought she was might be willing to risk it.
She made a statement as we sat in the plane which made a serious impression
on me. It just came out of the blue as we were not yet discussing marriage;
but what she said was that she wanted to be held! This told me there was
real feeling there and I knew I could live with that. Not long afterwards
when we had a date back in Montreal I delivered her at her apartment on
Lorne Crescent and sort of indicated I wanted to come up. She says she
thought I was acting strangely as it was quite late, but we went up and
after some hemming and hawing I blurted out that I thought we should get
married and what would she think of it. She was so surprised she thought
I was just joking and she laughed. She claims she did not expect it as
I had never said I loved her. Always old cautious me I have realised ever
since it was a shame I did not preface the proposal with that important
qualification. I still assumed she was in favor but I am not sure she confirmed
that until we talked on the phone the next day! But we both knew by this
time that we were both made for each other by the chemistry of love and
by our similar family backgrounds and comparable views of life. Mostly,
we felt "younger than springtime" and went around together feeling like
a couple of teen-agers. It was really quite marvellous!
15.4, THE MARRIAGE
Fran was a practising Roman Catholic and a
regular member of St. Patrick's church while I was a member of
the United Church in Beaconsfield, though I had been raised in the Anglican
Church back in Rivers. Neither of us were too concerned about the difference
in our Christian affiliations so we agreed to get married in her church
. To do this we had to have a visit with one of the priests at St. Patrick's
who was a younger man. Father Martin's main concern was whether I
was a Christian and could I show them a baptismal certificate. I had to
get my mother to send it to me (she had kept it in an old photo album).
I turned it over to Father Martin and I believe that St. Patrick's has
it to this day!
The other requirement was that we should attend
the church's marriage course. This was all very well, but I laughed at
getting into the wrong class; instead of the class for older people we
ended up in the one for younger ones. So there we were getting lectures
on budgeting and sex when I was 50 years old and the father of three
grown children!
So it was that we were wed in the chapel of
St.Patrick's church, October 28, 1972. Gwen and Ernie were respectively
Bridesmaid and Best Man; George Walker sr. and both of our mothers
attended. I realized how much of God.s promise to us all was coming true!
To me it is best put in the emotional words of the 23rd Psalm which were
and are important enough to repeat here in heartfelt acknowledgment of
God's help through it all, even unto the present day!!
"The Lord's my Shepherd, I shall not want,
He makes me down to lie
In pastures green; he leadeth me
The quiet waters by.
My sould he doth restore again;
And me to walk doth make
Within the paths of righteousness,
Even for his own Name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through death's dark vale,
Yet will I fear no ill;
For thou art with me; and thy rod
And staff me comfort still.
My table thou hast furnished
In presence of my foes;
My head thou dost with oil anoint,
And my cup overflows.
Goodness and mercy all my life
Shall surely follow me;
And in God's house for evermore
My dwelling-place shall be."
The reception was held at the Ritz Hotel
and was arranged by Frances. This included an open bar as she said she
certainly was not going to charge people coming to our wedding for their
drinks. In any case it was a very happy affair. The only regret I had was
that the professional photographer we had hired took far too much time
posing us and others for the pictures, (see photos) to the extent where
we did not have enough time to circulate and talk to our guests. Fran and
I later adjourned to the Chateau Champlain Hotel where we got into some
of the serious and enjoyable privileges of marriage!
15.5, CARIBBEAN HONEYMOON AND THENCE TO HOME
We had arranged to leave the cold, snowy October
weather of Montreal to honeymoon in a warmer climate, namely the Caribean
islands of Barbados and Grenada. I can recall how I felt as we took off
from Dorval airport as my first major jet flight affected me both physically
and emotionally. The thrust of the four jet engines (which I figured developed
horsepower equal to four large steam engines) pressed me against the seat
and I was so elated I felt as if as if I was going straight up! It
was my first offshore venture since returning from the war and here I was
entering a new chapter in my life with the exciting and interesting presence
of Frances as my partner.
In Barbados we stayed at a resort called
Tamarind Cove which had a very nice Caribbean ambience. The lobby was wide
open at both ends and the tropical sea breezes blew right through it in
a most refreshing manner. You could sit in the high backed wicker chairs
(such as models often sat in for photographs) and look out toward the bay.
The place was named after a huge Tamarind tree which stood in the courtyard,
and if my memory serves me right it was surrounded by and sheltered the
bar where well known (mainly rum-based) tropical drinks such as punches,
daquiries and banana mumas were dispensed. Needless to say we sampled our
share. Our room was on the second floor and the balcony was overhung
by palm fronds rustling in the wind.
We also greatly enjoyed the beach and the
swimming in the beautiful turquoise salt water and we did some sailing.
The meals were good and Fran. who had been to Barbados before got me to
sample the foods whcih were new to me. We also greatly enjoyed the Bajan
music; Harry Belefonte and his hit songs, "Island in the Sun, Day-Oh and
Jamaica Farewell were all the rage! The hotel had a native
band who could really strum up a storm in the evening by the shore, especially
when they had had a rum or two!
15.6, GRENADA
After a week in Barbados we flew to Grenada
for a second week. It too proved to be enchanting; we stayed at the
Holiday Inn which had a thatched roof and overlooked the shore where there
were little round thatched umbrella shaped shelters where you could relax
out of the sun. The town of St. George's was very quaint, and it had some
good shops we where were able to buy things we liked or needed. I got myself
a nice tropical Batik jacket and matching green trousers. I still have
the jacket but seldom wear it as it is a bit tight now!
We were able to go sailing and on one occasion
ventured some distance from the island. We were not prepared for the fact
that strong squalls often came down from the central mountain in the afternoon
and got caught in one of them. I was a bit concerned but as an ex-Navy
man felt we shoud be able to weather the storm. Fran was not used to sailing
and I think she was a bit frightened, but when I ordered her to take the
sail down while I held onto the tiller she managed to courageously do so,
even though it meant shinnying partly up the mast! We were then able to
use the paddle to keep headed into the wind until it was again safe to
hoist the sail!
As our week concluded it was time to head
home and we have never been back to Grenada even though it had a very friendly
ambience. Not only has the Holiday Inn burnt down and not rebuilt,
but those who still remember some history will recall the violence that
grew from internal political problems which only ended with the Americans
sending in a contingent of Marines. To this day (Jan. 2000) we are
still not sure it has regained its position as a good place for a holiday.
15.7, SETTLING INTO A NEW LIFE AT HOME
So Fran and I came home to 220 Sherwood Rd.,
to take up our new life together. She showed her mettle in being able to
shift from her being a Head Nurse in the Women's Pavilion in the Royal
Victoria Hospital and make a very good suburban housewife. She accomplished
this while making instant friends with all the neighbors whose acquaintance
she took up almost immediatedly. She took over management of the household
and the garden like a pro. While she had cooked for herself in her apartment
she felt she had to learn more about the culinary arts and even enjoyed
reading a large selection of cook books.
She had never driven a car before and was
not too inclined to like the idea of doing so. However, I convinced her
it was not possible to live in the suburbs without knowing how to drive
so we spent a lot of our spare time practising on vacant shopping centre
parking lots during that first winter. Once she had put her mind to it
she was a fast learner, and she has remained a good driver all these years,
though she still avoids having to parallel park. During the learning period
there were a couple of misadventures about which we have had a few laughs.
One was where on entering the garage she tore off part of the door guide
strip and in her excitement sort of trashed a plant stand and broke some
steps in the ladder stored at the inner end of the garage! Eventualy she
learned to become quite good and would even drive downtown in Montreal
to reach her favorite parking spot near the CPR station.
We did of course do some re-arranging of the
house furnishings. Some things needed to be done because they had suffered
neglect while Anne was ill and other things were the result of difference
in taste. For instance, wall to wall carpeting had become the standard
and so we got all the hardwood floors done that way and also the stairs.
(The wheel has now turned and hardwood floors are back in vogue; even the
present owners of 220 Sherwood Rd. have taken up the wall to wall
and refinished the original hardwood floors.) Our old dining room set was
somewhat the worse for wear so after much shopping we got a new one which
is still Fran's favorite piece of furniture. A new dining room set meant
the need for new dining room drapes.We installed Fran's own apartment furniture
in the kitchen and the old table was relegated to hobby use in the basement.
One thing which made me happy was that Fran liked most of Anne's paintings
so several continue to be hung in our home to this day!