CHAPTER 15,  FINDING FRANCES, OUR COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE

15.1, AFTER ANNE'S DEATH
      There I was at age 50, bereft of the only wife I ever expected to have, the mother of my three children, sweetheart and partner for almost 22 years. Lonesomeness it was for the first few months; only work and Jim's company at home kept me going. Neighbors were still solicitous as to my welfare; it was Bess Tunnel across the street who said to me that while it was logical to grieve , one could not do that for the rest of one's life; "Life is for the living", she said, and the two-edged meaning of that encouraged  me on a line of thought where I could start going out.
       I decided to do so and got involved with an organization which exists in most North American cities called, "Parents Without Partners". This, as its name suggests is a social organization for single people with children.  "Single" covers the whole spectrum of widows, widowers, single mothers or fathers including divorcees. More or less regular meetings are organised and are held in various public halls such as town centres or church basements. Card games are set up, dances are held and outdoor activities such as skiing or picnics are arranged. The organisation provides a valuable way of meeting people, particularly of the opposite sex, because in cities it is not easy to rely on  friends or relatives or church parishes or other means of getting people together which exist in smaller communities. Another factor which makes the organisation successful is that most of the members, such as myself  have reached a stage where, no matter how they arrived at their present single status, they wish to take a chance on changing it.
     In my case it resulted in some interesting times and contacts, not all of which are worth relating here. However, a couple of examples can give you an idea of  what it's like. One of the first ladies to whom I was introduced, without knowing anything about me or my status blurted out "did you get possession"? This was a direct brush with the bitterness of divorce. Anyway I didn't stay long enough to find out whether she meant possession of the children, the house, the car or the furnishings! A more touching case was the lady who had with her two native Indian children. It turned out that she had adopted these two and was raising them herself. Perhaps the nicest one I met was a widow who had two children and whose brother worked at CN. I took her out a number of times and found her most attractive.

15.2, ON FATE, AND MEETING FRANCES
     In life one finds that things do not always go according to plan and the older you get you are forced to acknowledge that fate, or the Lord, can intervene in unexpected ways. Thus I met Frances Toomey, not through planned attendance at Parents Without Partners, but through our mutual good friends, Gwen and Ernie Gilliatt. Ernie was a working associate from the railway and Gwen (Thorpe) was a schoolmate of Frances from Kentville, Nova Scotia. In October they invited me to share Thanksgiving with them. Another guest was a very attractive looking lady who was introduced to me as Gwen's friend Frances Toomey. She made an impression on me by her looks and by her lively personality and conversation. I also thought her clothes showed good taste. For my part I made a good impression on her by helping get the electric stove going properly so Gwen could finish cooking the turkey. The oven would not deliver enough heat; I still knew enough about electric power systems to diagnose it as a burnt out fuse in one leg of the standard 220 volt service with which electric stoves are fed. The oven was thus only operating on one leg,  i.e. 110 volts instead of 220 which means it could generate not a half, but only one quarter of the regular amount of heat.
     The meal went off very well, wine and all and when the evening drew to an end fate stepped in thuswise.  Frances had come by commuter train as she lived downtown near where she worked as a Head Nurse in the Royal Victoria Hotel, and she had to leave in time to catch the scheduled train home. Ernie would normally have driven her to the station but I had arrived later than Frances so my car was first out in the driveway, blocking Ernie's car. So, being a good railroad man anxious to reduce any unecessary switching and also favorably impressed with the girl I offered to drive her to the station. Aside from her looks and bright conversation I learned she was a graduate of McGill University in Nursing Science and that she had done some international travelling, both of which gave her life some breadth. By the time the train pulled into the station I was impressed enough to ask if  I could see her again. She said "yes" so I was quite happy as I returned to the Gilliatts.
      We and the Gilliatts have of course laughed over the accusation that they had deliberately set the whole thing up, though they have denied it consistently for these past 28 years! Ernie tries to make out that their only contribution to the situation might be that they had given me a bottle of  men's perfume called "Bengal Lancer", and was I wearing that on the night in question. Frances was leaving  on a vacation so there was no chance to get a date for some time. Meanwhile I did have one or two dates with the lady I met from Parents Without Partners. I might have tended to forget Frances while she was away, but was returned to the need for action when she sent a card from where she was vacationing reminding me that we should get together when she returned. That told me she was definitely interested in me and so after several followup dates (including our first dinner out at  St. Hubert Barbecue) caused me to give up dating any others. So fate won the day!

15.3, A SERIOUS COURTSHIP
     Both of us being of mature age (me 50, she 45) we decided to visit each other's home terrritory and meet each other's parents. So we made a trip to Kentville in apple blossom time (see photo) and there I met Frank and Mrs Toomey and Fran's youngest brother Don. I found them to be regular people indeed, with much the same background as my own parents.( Incidentally, we were both of Irish descent on our father's side.) Frank was a retired Dominion Atlantic Railway conductor who had a great collection of  humorous stories. Fran says that when he found out I was a railway man he opined, "then he can't be all bad"!
     In the summer of '72 we flew to Winnipeg where we visited George Walker at the cottage on Laclu. Fran convinced me of her courage when she trapped a bat which had found its way into the cabin in the middle of the night. She caught it and then released it outdoors without even waking the rest of us! In Rivers we stayed with my dear mum and dad, both getting on in years by this time. When I introduced Fran to dad, he was so surprised he stuttered, "and...and .. is your husband dead?" Fran had to explain that she had never been married. We drove with mum to Holmfield where we met Aunt Ruth and Aunt Eva who were living in Grandma Harrison's house; also I could give Fran a tour of the mill and the grain elevator so she'd know more about what makes things tick on the prairies. We also met my cousins Iva (Nelson) Buchanan and Merton Nelson in the Pilot Mound district. The relatives were all captivated by Frances so no problems arose.
      The people I never really asked for an opinion were my own children. They all had the opportunity to meet Fran but I never asked their views when the time came to be thinking of marriage. I do not think there were any bad feelings because of  this omission, though I myself now think it would have been proper for me to have asked what they thought of  her.
     Anyway, by the time we got on the plane to return fom Winnipeg we knew that we were quite serious. I  wanted to get married again and I thought she was might be willing to risk it. She made a statement as we sat in the plane which made a serious impression on me. It just came out of the blue as we were not yet discussing marriage; but what she said was that she wanted to be held! This told me there was real feeling there and I knew I could live with that.  Not long afterwards when we had a date back in Montreal I delivered her at her apartment on Lorne Crescent and sort of indicated I wanted to come up. She says she thought I was acting strangely as it was quite late, but we went up and after some hemming and hawing I blurted out that I thought we should get married and what would she think of it. She was so surprised she thought I was just joking and she laughed. She claims she did not expect it as I had never said I loved her. Always old cautious me I have realised ever since it was a shame I did not preface the proposal with that important qualification. I still assumed she was in favor but I am not sure she confirmed that until we talked on the phone the next day! But we both knew by this time that we were both made for each other by the chemistry of love and by our similar family backgrounds and comparable views of life. Mostly, we felt "younger than springtime" and went around together feeling like a couple of teen-agers. It was really quite marvellous!

15.4, THE MARRIAGE
     Fran was a practising Roman Catholic and a regular member of  St. Patrick's church while I was a member of  the United Church in Beaconsfield, though I had been raised in the Anglican Church back in Rivers. Neither of us were too concerned about the difference in our Christian affiliations so we agreed to get married in her church . To do this we had to have a visit with one of the priests at St. Patrick's who was a younger man. Father Martin's main concern  was whether I was a Christian and could I show them a baptismal certificate. I had to get my mother to send it to me (she had kept it in an old photo album). I turned it over to Father Martin and I believe that St. Patrick's has it to this day!
     The other requirement was that we should attend the church's marriage course. This was all very well, but I laughed at getting into the wrong class; instead of the class for older people we ended up in the one for younger ones. So there we were getting lectures on budgeting and sex when I was 50 years old and the father of  three grown children!
     So it was that we were wed in the chapel of St.Patrick's church, October 28, 1972. Gwen and Ernie were respectively Bridesmaid and Best Man; George Walker sr. and both of our mothers  attended. I realized how much of God.s promise to us all was coming true! To me it is best put in the emotional words of the 23rd Psalm which were and are important enough to repeat here in heartfelt acknowledgment of  God's help through it all, even unto the present day!!

                          "The Lord's my Shepherd, I shall not want,
                            He makes me down to lie
                             In pastures green; he leadeth me
                             The quiet waters by.

                            My sould he doth restore again;
                             And me to walk doth make
                             Within the paths of righteousness,
                              Even for his own Name's sake.

                            Yea, though I walk through death's dark vale,
                              Yet will I fear no ill;
                               For thou art with me; and thy rod
                                And staff me comfort still.

                            My table thou hast furnished
                              In presence of my foes;
                              My head thou dost with oil anoint,
                                And my cup overflows.

                            Goodness and mercy all my life
                             Shall surely follow me;
                              And in God's house for evermore
                                My dwelling-place shall be."

      The reception was held at the Ritz Hotel  and was arranged by Frances. This included an open bar as she said she certainly was not going to charge people coming to our wedding for their drinks. In any case it was a very happy affair. The only regret I had was that the professional photographer we had hired took far too much time posing us and others for the pictures, (see photos) to the extent where we did not have enough time to circulate and talk to our guests. Fran and I later adjourned to the Chateau Champlain Hotel where we got into some of the serious and enjoyable privileges of marriage!
 
15.5, CARIBBEAN HONEYMOON AND THENCE TO HOME
     We had arranged to leave the cold, snowy October weather of Montreal to honeymoon in a warmer climate, namely the Caribean islands of Barbados and Grenada. I can recall how I felt as we took off from Dorval airport as my first major jet flight affected me both physically and emotionally. The thrust of the four jet engines (which I figured developed horsepower equal to four large steam engines) pressed me against the seat and I was so elated I felt as if as if  I was going straight up! It was my first offshore venture since returning from the war and here I was entering a new chapter in my life with the exciting and interesting presence of Frances as my partner.
      In Barbados we stayed at a resort called Tamarind Cove which had a very nice Caribbean ambience. The lobby was wide open at both ends and the tropical sea breezes blew right through it in a most refreshing manner. You could sit in the high backed wicker chairs (such as models often sat in for photographs) and look out toward the bay. The place was named after a huge Tamarind tree which stood in the courtyard, and if my memory serves me right it was surrounded by and sheltered the bar where well known (mainly rum-based) tropical drinks such as punches, daquiries and banana mumas were dispensed. Needless to say we sampled our share.  Our room was on the second floor and the balcony was overhung by palm fronds rustling in the wind.
     We also greatly enjoyed the beach and the swimming  in the beautiful turquoise salt water and we did some sailing. The meals were good and Fran. who had been to Barbados before got me to sample the foods whcih were new to me. We also greatly enjoyed the Bajan music; Harry Belefonte and his hit songs, "Island in the Sun, Day-Oh and Jamaica Farewell were all the rage!  The hotel  had a native band who could really strum up a storm in the evening by the shore, especially when they had had a rum or two!
 
15.6, GRENADA
     After a week in Barbados we flew to Grenada for a second week. It  too proved to be enchanting; we stayed at the Holiday Inn which had a thatched roof and overlooked the shore where there were little round thatched umbrella shaped shelters where you could relax out of the sun. The town of St. George's was very quaint, and it had some good shops we where were able to buy things we liked or needed. I got myself a nice tropical Batik jacket and matching green trousers. I still have the jacket but seldom wear it as it is a bit tight now!
     We were able to go sailing and on one occasion ventured some distance from the island. We were not prepared for the fact that strong squalls often came down from the central mountain in the afternoon and got caught in one of them. I was a bit concerned but as an ex-Navy man felt we shoud be able to weather the storm. Fran was not used to sailing and I think she was a bit frightened, but when I ordered her to take the sail down while I held onto the tiller she managed to courageously do so, even though it meant shinnying partly up the mast! We were then able to use the paddle to keep headed into the wind until it was again safe to hoist the sail!
     As our week concluded it was time to head home and we have never been back to Grenada even though it had a very friendly ambience. Not only has the Holiday Inn burnt down and  not rebuilt, but those who still remember some history will recall the violence that grew from internal political problems which only ended with the Americans sending in a contingent of  Marines. To this day (Jan. 2000) we are still not sure it has regained its position as a good place for a holiday.
 
15.7, SETTLING INTO A NEW LIFE AT HOME
     So Fran and I came home to 220 Sherwood Rd., to take up our new life together. She showed her mettle in being able to shift from her being a Head Nurse in the Women's Pavilion in the Royal Victoria Hospital  and make a very good suburban housewife. She accomplished this while making instant friends with all the neighbors whose acquaintance she took up almost immediatedly. She took over management of the household and the garden like a pro. While she had cooked for herself in her apartment she felt she had to learn more about the culinary arts and even enjoyed reading a large selection of cook books.
     She had never driven a car before and was not too inclined to like the idea of doing so. However, I convinced her it was not possible to live in the suburbs without knowing how to drive so we spent a lot of our spare time practising on vacant shopping centre parking lots during that first winter. Once she had put her mind to it she was a fast learner, and she has remained a good driver all these years, though she still avoids having to parallel park. During the learning period there were a couple of misadventures about which we have had a few laughs. One was where on entering the garage she tore off part of the door guide strip and in her excitement sort of trashed a plant stand and broke some steps in the ladder stored at the inner end of the garage! Eventualy she learned to become quite good and would even drive downtown in Montreal to reach her favorite parking spot near the CPR station.
     We did of course do some re-arranging of the house furnishings. Some things needed to be done because they had suffered neglect while Anne was ill and other things were the result of difference in taste. For instance, wall to wall carpeting had become the standard and so we got all the hardwood floors done that way and also the stairs. (The wheel has now turned and hardwood floors are back in vogue; even the present owners of  220 Sherwood Rd. have taken up the wall to wall and refinished the original hardwood floors.) Our old dining room set was somewhat the worse for wear so after much shopping we got a new one which is still Fran's favorite piece of furniture. A new dining room set meant the need for new dining room drapes.We installed Fran's own apartment furniture in the kitchen and the old table was relegated to hobby use in the basement. One thing which made me happy was that Fran liked most of Anne's paintings so several continue to be hung in our home to this day!